Survival is a funny thing. Doubt is even funnier. I’ve gone back and forth between the two for the last four months of the new job.
I began this new job in the busiest time of the wine business; a time in the business we call OND. (October, November, December) This is when you make your largest profit as a company. This is also the time where everyone wants to see you, taste your product, shake you down for money, become your best friend, have drinks (on your expense account), and test your knowledge and skill. Good times. Walking into new processes after I just got used to the last 8 years of someone else’s processes is all about survival. Learning curves are understood, but damn, you better figure this shit out, and very quickly!
I’ve never understood the balance of selling, administrative duties, and creative work. They all use very different parts of your brain. However, if you don’t master these three things, you are dead in the water. I’ve seen many wine people fluff their way through life and wonder why their careers never progress. Wine dinners and long lunches are fun, but they are BUSINESS. You need to be knowledgeable, as well as sell a few boxes to the little lambs that are listening to your bullshit. (Let me be clear; it is bullshit that sounds good, and has a core of honesty, but let’s be real, it’s entertainment) I pride myself in being a businesswoman. This, honey, is survival. Wine is great and everything, but if you don’t track your success, understand your competitor, and digest your goals, good luck out there.
Where does doubt come in? Mistakes happened, and, in my mind, I thought I would get a call telling me I was fired. I’ve never, in my time as a professional, had doubt in my abilities. I’m that woman that has confidence when I walk in a room. I can hold conversation with ANYONE AND EVERYONE. Then I noticed I was listening. I was not the one talking for once. I absorbed how my state manager handled herself in a meeting. (she is a saint and one of my great mentors now) I took the critiques that were coming in even when I didn’t agree. When you actually SHUT UP and observe, so much more is revealed. Easier said than done, I know. This is when I realized doubt is not so bad. I doubt myself because I worked in the wrong direction, and that was all I knew. Now, new responsible business is happening. So let doubt creep in. I’m thinking now, real deep, heart burning, get er done thinking.