When you get caught doing something shady it totally sucks.

When it is not your fault (well, not entirely), it sucks even more.

Don’t shake your head at me.  Please don’t tell me you haven’t snuck out of work early, had “un clean” random thoughts about a co-worker (or some random person on the subway, or someone in your crossfit class, should I go on?), or lied and said you had a slice of pizza instead of the entire pie. Don’t feel bad, it’s part of life.

That is all shady, yes.  But now I’m talking about major shade.  The shade that keeps you up at night.  Where you question what kind of person you are.  Where you question what you could have done differently, or why the hell you did this in the first place.  Was it worth it?

When I am not hungry, I know I am upset.  I am the kind of person that thinks about food constantly.  My mother, to this day, has had a piece of “cake” every morning for breakfast.  (she also thinks baileys in your coffee doesn’t make you a bad person).  My father was a butcher; we discussed meat every night at dinner.  It’s in my head always and forever, and I cannot eat a damn thing right now.

I’m focused on solving the problem; its the only thing I can do.  Blame gets you nowhere and just causes mad anger.  Plus, blame just makes you and the situation ugly.  I don’t want to be ugly. The “two sides of a story” line is crap.  I think this is a cop out.  It allows the other half to create a scenario and this scenario does not end well for you.  I usually cave and try to give the “benefit of the doubt”.  More crap.  When you are right, you are right.  Stick to it, even if you may be a little questionable, and not very popular at the moment.

I was just asked “What is the lesson in all this”.  There is no damn lesson. What I can stop doing is beating myself up about it.  I can stop thinking evil thoughts about all retailers, restauranteurs, distributors, wine related individuals, anyone who even remotely likes wine….yes, it’s out of control. Creating deals in sales is like feeding the cat at your back door; is there ever an end, I’m going broke in cat food, and why does the damn cat have so many friends?  So, clean yourselves up.  Surround your life with un-complicated, direct, and graceful situations.  Relish in an unblemished life – yeah, not going to happen, is it?