Eating, drinking, eating, spread sheets, drinking, eating, a little sleep, repeat…

Not going to lie, this has been the battle for me in the wine business.  It is not that there is food and wine around me, it is that there is REALLY GOOD FOOD AND WINE around me.  Beyond that, there is the elevation of the senses when all of this works simultaneously, making a love fest for the mind and belly.  I work within the preparation of great events that focus on making you, the consumer, happy by what you taste and experience.  I take a journey in the discovery of flavors and textures, and how they will work with one another. I also watch myself grow and shrink because of all of this “discovery”.

My co worker recently took a picture of me, by surprise, behind a wine table.  My first reaction was of complete disgust; what is the sense of all of this Crossfit and juggling of paleo and juicing garbage I have been immersed in?  I didn’t get upset; I turned off.  I traveled to a very bad place that is just ugly and unforgivable.  I could not admit that I have been indulging a bit lately.  All of a sudden it was a problem outside of me, and not my fault.  This is totally my fault.  I’ve been drinking beer, eating sweets, and may have had a few to many slices of pizza.  My dresses are tight, my face is chubby, and I have this little tummy peaking out from my T-Shirts.  I feel gross.

I would like to say this this the first time I have gone through this, but it is not and probably won’t be the last.  I love great food, and at 44 years old, I am allowed to cross over to the dark side a bit.  The problem is when it starts making you feel grisly.  The chore of feeling happy isn’t aided by these extra pounds I am carrying around.  Life doesn’t help either; it seems to be kicking me around a bit.  I can feel a  depressive cloud looming.  I won’t give into that.

The good thing about this is that it gets me charged up.  June means a squat cycle mapped out by my Crossfit mentor just last week.  This is something I have wanted to do, and I am committing.  My body and my mind will hopefully sync up; I don’t think there is much of a choice.  I have some time off coming – another necessity.  I have realized that getting away, and far away, from you computer and your life pressures is a must.  Even if I don’t move from my couch this will clear my head a bit.

Haven’t I initiated this all along?  Have I created  creepy and sloppy living patterns?  The answer is yes, but it can’t be the end of me.  Just this morning, I over head squatted 135 pounds – even with this extra padding on me.  That is what I need to remember; I am not a bad person because of this.  I still lift some heavy weight, flirt and laugh way to loud, and live an authentic and loving life.  What will happen when I actually start thinking about what is going in my body?  Drink water, say no to donuts, and lay in the the sun in that two piece.  There, I said it.  Making it happen.