Consciousness Found In A Bubble

Last week I lost awareness.

Sure of myself, a little cocky, knew things would go “my way”, judge mental of my past, hungry for the next step, and not filtering what I said or did.

It bothers me when I need to begin a statement with “Do you know how good I am?”.  Truth; if you need to say that, the person you are speaking to is probably aware. I’ve also worked way to long and hard on myself, my skill, my business, my wardrobe – obvious I’ve arrived at the table. So, now, how do I shimmy through the crack between success and “you are not what we need at this time” situations.

Here is the issue – sometimes you just know. Sometimes you can not only recognize but feel your superiority. Be obnoxious and admit this, because damn it, you have struggled hard not to be just another shallow wine girl.  My problem was that I grabbed that feeling, but forgot to notice the edges. When I say the edges, in wine and in my life situations, I mean the flavors and  perceptions that are secondary, but more than meaningful. I insulted when not meaning to, I slacked off when I should have been more reactive, and my filter mechanism faulted.

Then last night, while cuddling with Karma, I was told that I missed a “tradition”.  A friend and I always begin a meal with a glass of some kind of champagne – I happen to have missed the dinner I promised I would attend. You may not think this is a “thing”, but the thought of this being a special something was of total comfort to me. It’s like it became an obvious secret, or an indisputable action just known between two people. Coming into the holidays, and always feeling alone at this time, what a great reminder that culture doesn’t need to be created in a room full of people.

A favorite bubble? God, so many. Here is an easy one:

If we have a relationship, I will make a mistake. You will make a mistake. There will be things we should have talked about, and probably will choose to forget. I’m holding on to the reminders that we are not malicious people, and have found each other for a reason. When I disappointed a ex-coworker last week, she told me she knew I had a “good heart”.  So, even in my haste of creating a non reality situation for myself, she saw the acceptable. Remember this moment.

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